sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
