I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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