ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
