Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
