when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
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