I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
