i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
