cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
