Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
