Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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