Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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