God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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