He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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