your thong is hanging out like whoa
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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