I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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