now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
