dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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