this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
