Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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