is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
