walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
