Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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