did you get engaged???
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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