Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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