I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
