We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
