He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
