Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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