Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
