I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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