i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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