man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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