We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
