i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
