you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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