my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
