It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
