my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
