There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
