How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
