I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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