dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
