I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
