Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
