i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I love you.
Bad choice
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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