omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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