Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
