I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
