If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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