Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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