she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
