So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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