I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
