I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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