i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sext me about skeletons
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
