If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
