Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
