note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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