fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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