Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
