Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Panties = found
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