I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
