don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
