How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.