So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
