How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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