the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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