I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
