just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
