I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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