My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
