the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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