good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
