Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
