Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it's great music for shaving your balls
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
