dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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