im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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